Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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