I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
