Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
