Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
