Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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