I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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