If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
