My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
