I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
