Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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