respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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