His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
