Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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