Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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