2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
