3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
