is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
