he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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