Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
