If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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