Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
