I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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