Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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