and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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