I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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