I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize