his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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