and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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