dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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