Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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