I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
