Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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