Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
