drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
