So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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