According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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