I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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