Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
