I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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