Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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