I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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