My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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