last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize