I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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