Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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