whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
