how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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