Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
