"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
