Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
