We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
