I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize