I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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