no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
