I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
