So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
