have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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