I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
