Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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