I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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