I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
