last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
