I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
