Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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