last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize