you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
