yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
