His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Someone signed my nipple.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
