bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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